……………

"No one is listening until you make a mistake."

" dying inside"

Everything has been erased, first it all started on my digi cam ive pressed something it as ive checked my pics "no images found" ,and the worst part of it….i havent transfered all the pics in my pc.huhuhuhu its like ive lost a part of me again, week after that my sim was blocked and i dont have the Puk code to open it. So need to start again with my new EMPTY sim..EVERYTHING is EMPTY.spiritually EMPTY! im emotionally EMPTY! no love life…my friends are busy with there lives..no one to hang on…. financialY EMPTY! JUSt paid all the bills…mentally EMPTY! im totally blank…After everything thats been happening to my life i feel like an EMPTY SHELL AGAIN..wondering whats in store for me…Maybe theres  a reason for this. Im tired of solving and figuring out my problem…Other than GOD…sometimes i do wish that there would be someone out there who would is attentive enough to listen all the pain that im going thru..sincere..not judgmental and someone whom i can trust…and most of all someone who wont ask something in return from me after. Ive always been a "friend" to my friends…but every time i need one, i have no one except myself…I cant even pour it out to my parents cause i know they wont understand..for sure instead of asking them to listen to my pains… il be getting from them would be there SERMONS and aside from that i dont want to them to worry…im emotionally down today…cant help but cry….my problem is not that BIG compared to others…im not asking any fast solutions…all i want i someone who will listen…..and would care to know that i do still EXIST

Live With It

          When pain can be avoided, it will be masochistic for anyone to insist living it.  When you are ill, by all means go find cure.  When you are stressed, it is advisable you find a positive activity that can calm you down.  But sometimes pain is unavoidable.  Those who live with a terminal cancer or who have just experienced major grief such as the death of loved ones, relationship that fell apart, etc., either temporarily or permanently, have to live with their pain and discomfort.  In this situation there is no escape, no activity can distract them from the pain.  Some people may resort to temporary relief such as drugs or alcohol only to sink lower and lower each time.  And the more you resist, the more conflict it generates, the more you are in pain.  The only way out is to befriend your pain or grief, watch it, feels it as it is without justifying or condemning it.  It is painful and uncomfortable, sure, but it is only a small part of the big picture.  You can’t probably see it that way when you are overwhelmed with this powerful feeling, but remember everything is fleeting, impermanent.  When it is winter now, shouldn’t you be rejoicing that spring is just around the corner and summer will be coming soon?  Your pleasure doesn’t last, neither does your pain.  Can you remember the immediate problems you faced five years ago, twenty years ago? If you do, does it still have the same kind of emotional entanglement it caused you then?  So, this one too shall go away, if you can see it in the right perspective it really isn’t that bad.  Clinging to pain is as suicidal as clinging to pleasure.  Don’t take it too personall

im not into him but im into….

SIMPLY BECAUSE CHOCOLATES MAKES ME FEEL GOOD THAN HIM…THOUGH MR.OR KEEPS ME FIT CAUSE I NEED TO LOOK SEXY FOR HIM, BUT I STILL DO 2X MORE EXCERCISE FOR ME AND FOR THE CHOCOLATES…..

REASONS WHY I SHIFTED TO CHOCOLATES..I MAY SOUND SOUR GRAPING HERE BUT PLS DO BARE WITH ME…ITS JUST PART OF THE PROCESS…

Why Chocolate Makes Us Feel Good

Several more obscure chocolate ingredients seem to act by affecting the brain's own neurotransmitter network.Neurotransmitters are the chemical messengers of the brain. They work by transporting electrical signals between nerve cells. These signals cause changes in the sensations and emotions that we experience.

Hearty findings

Californian scientist Professor Carl Keen and his team have suggested that chocolate might help fight heart disease. They say that it contains chemicals called flavinoids, which thin the blood, helping to prevent clotting. Scientists have already suggested that red wine acts in this way.

Love drug?
 

Chocolate contains a natural 'love drug'. Tryptophan is a chemical that the brain uses to make a neurotransmitter called serotonin. High levels of serotonin can produce feelings of elation, even ecstasy - hence the name of the designer drug that also works by increasing serotonin levels.

Lust drug?

While tryptophan could be considered 'chocolate's ecstasy', another chemical called phenylethylamine has earned the nickname 'chocolate amphetamine.' High levels of this neurotransmitter help promote feelings of attraction, excitement, giddiness and apprehension. Phenylethylamine works by stimulating the brain's pleasure centres and reaches peak levels during orgasm.

empty

Im now back with my real self…Real as in unattach to anyone…unhappy, boring, all in gray……, nothing to look forward, loveless…..This is the typical me when not in love…Thats why before when i felt it il try to hold on to it…But as we all know nothing really is permanent..The only thing in me that can never be change is im a mother and has a son… I may be a bad mother for saying this but i dont really give much time to my son as of the moment because i felt like  theres a selfish part of me that wants to be alone…I've been a mother to him for like 3 yrs..3yrs for taking care of him ALONE with no Yaya.. NO yaya because thats what i wanted.. I dont like anyone to takecare of him except me.. But after 3 yrs things have changed, thats because i dont want him to be that dependent with me, and i want to prepare him for the coming school year.. Sometimes when im down i expect my son to give me comfort but i do get the opposite.. I felt like a battered mother, i dont know why his acting that way.. Its like its easy for him to kick, slap and punch at me..So silly for a 3 years old to that to his mother..HMMMM he just add up to my problem..  

Never Asked

I never asked you to call me,
Never asked to go with you that day.
That one night was perfect. We were one, but I
knew I'd be the one to pay.
I never asked you to make me feel good,
Never asked you to look my way.
It takes two to do what happened that night, so
there's nothing more you can say.
I never asked for you to care,
Never asked to be the only one.
I knew she was in your life too,
But still I thought I'd won.
I never asked for promises,
Never asked if I could put my trust in you.
I always though I could handle the things
you "so often" like to do.
I never asked you to turn away,
Never asked you to make me cry.
You go on with your life like nothing ever
Happened while I slowly start to die.
I never asked for this loneliness,
Never asked to be the one to blame.
You tried putting all the guilt on me while you
Were the one playing the mind game.
I never asked for this empty feeling,
Never asked you to be there.
While I sit here confused in my own little world,
All you can do is stare.
I never asked if you loved me,
Never asked you to take something special away.
I can't think straight and my heart aches, all
Because of that day.
I never asked for an explanation,
Never asked to be on your mind that day.
Even though I never asked you anything,
I'm broken hearted either way.

im sorry for being myself

here i am again..i know its all about him…i have your not tried of reading this stuff but please allow me to express what i feel…i was totally blank yesterday after letting go of him..after i told him that we both need some space much better we wont communicate..he  was shocked and was not expecting me to say it..he kept on asking why??? as if  he does not know any issues or problem  with our relationship..,,There was nothing..its just the time…His ALWAYS BUSY. And thats an Issue for me…After explaining it all to him…he asked if his allowed to text or call me..i insisted on telling him on not to try cause i might not be able to move on…and thats it! he just told me that he will wait until  il be okay and we might start all over again….huhuhuhuhu i started to miss him..its like today is my saddest day..i blame myself for this…a part of me says that i should not let go…i dont usually give up the guy that i like as long as the feelings is not over yet…and as long as he did not end it..yes i know an a marthyr type..but thats Me

Is It Time to Dump Him?

This won't come as news to women: Men aren't all that good about breaking up. Sometimes a man will half-heartedly try ("things just aren't clicking"). Sometimes a man will force you to make the first move ("well, if you think things aren't working out then"). Sometimes a man will stew in a bad relationship for years before actually having the guts to break it off. Why? For lots of reasons — one of them being that many men, even if they don't like the relationship anymore, don't want to be immortalized (to you and all your friends) as The Bad Guy. Not an excuse, but it's what men tend to do. When you consider a recent national survey showing 21 percent of men say they're on the lookout for a better relationship while they're in a relationship — then it's all the more important that women know the signs of a guy who's looking for the exit before he's even in the room

Dump-worthy: He ignores
Not dump-worthy: He doesn't listen

There is a difference. The way I see it, the guy who doesn't listen is the guy who spaces out on TV when a woman is asking if he liked that night's chili. A guy who doesn't listen is a guy who forgets to cap the toothpaste despite the fact he's been told 12 times in the last six days. Annoying? Sure. Deal-breakers? No. On the other hand, a guy who ignores is the kind of guy who always puts himself first by ignoring the things that are important to you-like chronically forgetting an anniversary or birthday, or not asking how a doctor's appointment went, or choosing his golf game over her family get-together. Once in a while may be fine, but when it happens all the time, it means that his priorities don't include you.

Dump-worthy: He has two cell phones (one of which you didn't know about)
Not dump-worthy: He won't tell you his password

Oh, if I had the surefire formula for catching a cheater, I'd be using 100-dollar bills as napkins. While cheating is, in many cases, the obvious relationship-ender, the trickier issue is gathering up the signs that a guy is indeed borrowing sugar from the neighbor. I will tell you this: A guy who's protecting his e-mail password isn't necessarily cheating; he just thinks that there still should be some semblance of his privacy (plus, he's not too keen on you seeing the internet photos his co-worker buddy may have sent over). But when a guy hasn't told you about an extra cell phone, it's a pretty likely sign that there's somebody calling it who darn well shouldn't be.

Dump-worthy: He won't apologize
Not dump-worthy: He goes silent

A man who clams up during a fight or a discussion isn't necessarily just trying to make you mad (though some are). He's thinking, he's debating, and he's being cautious about what he says — because he knows you're listening (and perhaps ready to pounce on his arguments). A guy will eventually open up, if you can give the issue some time to settle down, or even approach him in a setting where he's more comfortable talking (like the car). The real power play comes not from the silent treatment, but from a man who can't utter a "sorry"; that's not only a sign of stubbornness, but a sign he's not ready to give any ground. If he's not willing to show a little weakness early in the relationship, chances are it'll only grow worse as the relationship grows — if it even gets that far.

To Let GO

To let go…
Does not mean to stop caring
It means I cannot do it for someone else
It is not to cut myself off
It is the realization that I cannot control another.

To let go…
Is not to enable
But to allow learning from natural consequences
It is to admit powerlessness
Which means the outcome is not in my hands
 

To let go…
Is not to try to change or blame another
I can only change myself
It is not to care for
But to care about.

 
To let go…
Is not to fix
But to be supportive
It is not to judge
But to allow another to be a human being.

 
To let go…
Is not to be in the middle arranging the outcome
But to allow others to effect their own outcome
It is not to be protective
It is to permit another to face their reality.

 

To let go…
Is not to deny, but to accept
Is not to nag, scold, or argue
But to search out my own shortcomings
And try to correct them.

 
To let go…
Is not to adjust everything to my desires
But to take each day as it comes
Is not to criticize or regulate anyone
But to try to become whatever dream I can be.

 
To let go…
Is not to regret the past
But to grow and live for the future
Is to fear less
And learn to love more.

 
And since I do love you
So I will let you go!

Goodbye Mr.OR

This time around i will confront him about "US" i know its not good to confront him cause its like im sweeping him away from me, ive been trying to understand him, but as ive  said before everytime i want it off he always asked me to stay…STAY???! for what???! thats what ive been thinking about…his just good with words but no actions..havent seen any effort that he have excerted. Mr. OR is a resident anesthesiologist, they must be good with words or making a person feel comfortable right before the operation..maybe his applying techniques on me..which works pretty well…That must be one of the reason im stranded with this kind of relationship (FULL OF LIP SERVICE) Im planning to end it and move forward…his been so unfair. Its like a one sided relationship..ive told him about my past relationship before and how stupid i am to go for that kind of guys..but as days past ive realized that Mr. OR and my ex's are alike… No wonder i like him..I hate myself for giving time…my all for that type of guys…I must fix myself before entering a new one..if not il just love myself more..And i wont allow any GUYS to hurt me again…i think its time for me to sing the song "IRREPLACEABLE" by Beyonce I really love the lyrics of that song" youve got me twisted..you must not know about me..i can have another you in a minute" i can have another you by tomorrow…Since im not youre everything how about il be nothing ..Nothing without you, I wont shed a tear for you….i wont lose a wink of sleep…………..replacing you is just so EASY!" Well i hope its EASY for me..GOODLUCK to myself then…i hope il be brave enough to talk about ending it tomorrow…..